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The Leidholms are just like any ordinary young family.
They get up early each day of the week to deal with the
happy chaos of getting themselves ready for work, and
preparing their two small daughters for the day.
Dad and mom tag-team – he changes the baby’s diaper, makes sure
the 3-and-a-half year old is dressed and clean, then feeds the cats
and dogs. He heads out the door by 6:30 a.m.
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April 6, 2017 - U. S. Air Force family, SSgt. Kyle Leidholm, 60th
Aircraft Maintenance Squadron, and SSgt. Nicole Leidholm, 60th Air
Mobility Wing Public Affairs, deal with the challenges that every
dual-military couple faces on a day to day basis, take time for a
family portrait in front of a B-52 bomber at Travis Air Force Base,
California. (U.S. Air Force photo by Heide Couch, 60th Air Mobility Wing Public Affairs)
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Mom spends a few more moments nursing the
eight-month-old. Then, she too, leaves to drop the kids off
at daycare and get to the office. Nights and weekends are
spent doing the usual stuff: housework, homework, laundry,
running errands, watching television and, of course, sharing
time with each other.
They are a typical American
family, except for one significant difference: Staff Sgt.
Kyle Leidholm, 60th Maintenance Squadron, and
Staff Sgt. Nicole Leidholm, 60th Air Mobility Wing Public Affairs,
both serve their country in the Air Force at Travis Air Force Base,
California.
Unlike most families, they know the normal
routine could be dramatically interrupted at any time.
Currently, the Leidholms work a fairly normal duty day. Kyle is an
aero repair technician, servicing heavy-lift transport aircraft at
Travis. Nicole is a photojournalist and the noncommissioned officer
in charge of media relations. They are aware that, with the current
state of world affairs, one or both of them could be deployed
overseas with little notice. Like all military personnel, they are
ready to put the needs of their country above all else.
Dual-military marriages – an active duty member married to another
active duty member or to a member of the Air Force Reserves or Air
National Guard – are becoming more common, with the highest
percentage of these couples being in the Air Force, according to a
2008 Department of Defense study on military families.
Both Kyle
and Nicole joined the military when college plans didn’t work out.
Nicole was still in technical school when the two married. Kyle was
stationed at Travis and Nicole joined him soon after. The girls were
quickly added to the growing family.
The military treats
each member of a dual-military couple as an independent entity,
despite the fact that the couple makes decisions jointly.
Unfortunately, this can be problematic at times.
“Work is
definitely a lot harder than it was before kids,” said Kyle.
“Working extended shifts and night shifts is harder. The balance of
family and job tend to blur.”
“When I went on a temporary
duty assignment before we had kids, I didn’t have to worry if Kyle
was going to be able to get off work on time to pick up the kids,”
said Nicole. “It’s harder trying to explain to my oldest why Dad
hasn’t come home from work yet, or why Dad is going to work at night
– ‘to put the airplanes to sleep.’”
“She’s very curious and
notices everything,” she added. “When he was on 12-hour days, I was
the one coming home after work and cooking dinner and getting her
ready for bed on top of when I was pregnant. It’s definitely an
added challenge to balance life and work duties.”
Often,
there can be difficulty fitting childcare expenses into a military
budget.
“The cost of child care is not cheap,” said Nicole.
“We use family child care so our costs are a bit more than at the
Child Development Center on base, but I like it. There’s usually a
smaller number of children and they take care of my girls like their
own.”
“On top of those costs, infant care is even more,” she
continued. “So having two kids in child care was almost like sticker
shock when I first went back to work after maternity leave.
Fortunately, we both received promotions around that same time so
our ‘extra money’ goes towards the cost of child care. The child
care expenses a little more than doubled for each week with the new
baby.”
Since Sept. 11, 2001, deployments are the rule, not
the exception, for military families. Research from a 2009 RAND
National Defense Research Institute study shows these deployments
often have a more negative effect on dual-military member retention
and family life than on non-dual military members.
Kyle
shared an experience he had when his wife was deployed.
“I had
appliances die on me during a base exercise and I had to figure out
childcare by myself without help from my spouse on the other side of
the world,” he said. “Just the day-to-day Air Force obligations
affected both me and my wife and sometimes, it carried over to the
kids.”
“Our first deployments didn’t really have an impact
on our oldest daughter,” said Nicole. “She was too young to
remember. The deployments were harder on us. I deployed first in
2014 to Southwest Asia and it was a lot harder on my husband because
he, all of a sudden, was a single dad.”
“I also do all the
finances so some of that stuff I had to keep on him to pay the
bills,” said Nicole. “At the time, he worked in a shop that did
eight-hour days but, more often than not, those days became 12-hour
days – no notice. They also worked a Panama schedule but, because I
was deployed, they worked his schedule to be Monday through Friday.
Thankfully, we also had a flexible childcare provider that could
help us out,” said Nicole.
A Panama shift is 24/7 coverage
with four teams working two 12-hour shifts on a rotating pattern –
two days on, two days off; three days on, three days off; two days
on, three days off.
Childcare most notably affects the
retention rate of dual-military couples. Although the RAND NDRI
study shows both male and female service members perform at the same
levels on the job, females are more likely to leave the military
citing family responsibilities. Male service members are more likely
to cite financial concerns or career opportunities.
“I’ll
play it enlistment by enlistment,” said Kyle. “I would like to
retire out of the military, but we will see how the next 14 years
go.”
Having supportive leadership and an understanding and
flexible work environment is vital to alleviate the stressors of a
dual-military family.
“It’s the only thing that can make it
so I can continue to serve and still be there for my kids and wife,”
said Kyle.
“It’s extremely important,” said Nicole.
“Recently, when I was on a trip, I was supposed to be back after
four days and ended up being away for seven. My leadership asked to
make sure Kyle was okay and if he needed anything. It’s good to know
if there was anything needed, they were there for us. It’s hard to
focus on the mission if my family isn’t cared for when I’m away.”
Today’s technology makes it easier to keep in touch while being
deployed for any length of time, and lessens the anxiety of
separation. Nicole’s first deployment was for six months.
“We were only three years into our marriage – young by any standard.
So it definitely put a strain on our marriage,” she said. “Skype was
a big one when I was deployed, but now – and even when I was TDY –
we used Facebook messenger to video chat. We also used a free
texting app when I was deployed. I’ve now learned that my phone
carrier has an overseas plan that I would look into using the next
time either of us deployed. We also sent a lot of care packages.”
When you've got kids at home, being away is never easy. It's
always hard to say goodbye. Kids grow and change fast, and half of a
year is a long time.
Having a family care plan is a mandatory
military requirement to protect children of military families when
the worst case scenario happens and parents must answer the call to
duty.
“Dual and single military families can face some
unique challenges,” said Master Sgt. Hugh Fetla, 60th Comptroller
Squadron first sergeant.
Fetla served as first sergeant to
both of the Leidholms, who are in different squadrons.
“Deployments and unaccompanied assignments can make childcare and
maintaining the marriage very difficult,” said Fetla. “Mission
permitting, the member's leadership can work with the dual and
single military families when assigning deployment cycles and work
schedules. But sometimes, the mission does not allow leadership to
be 100 percent accommodating. When this happens, one of the most
important items the dual and single military families need to have
is a FCP. This will ensure the children are taken care of during a
medical emergency or period of separation.”
“I think Kyle
has had to use it, I’ve almost had to,” said Nicole. “Every year,
his unit recertifies the FCP. We also have to keep it updated, such
as when our provider moved, we changed providers and when we had our
second daughter.”
With time in service, promotions and the
gained experience of military life, there is an increased
understanding and acceptance.
“I can see the bigger picture
of what the mission needs,” said Kyle. “It makes it easier to get on
board with the decisions leadership makes. I wish it had been
relayed to me differently when I was a younger Airman with kids.”
Nicole agreed.
“We have a lot more responsibilities now
as noncommissioned officers than as Airmen. Now we are taking care
of people at work and at home. I guess in a way, for me, becoming a
mom first, helped prepare me to be a leader.”
Though the
demands of dual military couples can be problematic, Kyle and
Nicole’s unwavering commitment to each other and to their children
make it possible to readily face any challenge.
“Having us
both in is cool because we understand the job that each of us does.
Sometimes, spouses don't know what their significant other does
every day at work,” said Nicole. “It also made the deployments
easier in my mind because we knew the locations and our resources.”
“It's also cool because we can talk military jargon with each
other and have an understanding of some of the stressors that may be
going on,” said Nicole. “At the supervisory level, we can bounce
ideas off each other and learn together. It's also neat to almost
get an inside seat to see how another squadron operates. Kyle is
also as a key spouse and can share his insight of not only being a
spouse, but also being in the military.”
“She makes me think
bigger than maintenance when I talk to her about my troops and how
to help them,” said Kyle. “She always has that important phone
number when I don’t know who to call.”
Nicole is very proud
of her daughters, especially her eldest, who at only three years of
age has seen one or the other parent go through two six-month
deployments and three TDYs.
“It’s amazing how resilient kids
are,” she said.
By U.S. Air Force Heide Couch, 60th Air Mobility Wing Public Affairs
Provided
through DVIDS
Copyright 2017
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