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And they lived happily ever after... Those words are echoed in so
many classic childhood fairy tales. While real life stories rarely
mirror fairy tales, every once in a while a boy meets a girl, falls
in love and a magical story ensues. Such was the case for Lou and
Missy Zeisman. Their story, in the real world with real people, is
filled with happiness and sadness and the strength and perseverance
born from heartache and joy. Their story must be told for it is
about the miracle of love ... and life.
In 2015, the Zeisman’s
arrived in Hawaii for their next permanent change of station. Barely
on island two weeks and not due to move into their home for another
two days, Col. Lou Zeisman, U.S. Army Pacific executive officer, and
his wife, Missy, went to the Joint Base Pearl Harbor-Hickam gym to
work out. “We’re gym people,” he said noting different ways families
spend time together. “It was a family affair and what we did every
day, even on weekends.”
Zeisman said they followed a
particular pattern in their workouts, always ending the same way
with multiple sets of abdominal workouts. But that day was
different. “Missy got a headache and all of a sudden took a knee and
said we had to leave,” said Zeisman. “That’s when I knew something
wasn’t right. Missy was competitive. She always finished her
workouts and wouldn’t stop until she did.”
Arriving back at lodging, she just wanted to lay down with a bag
of ice. Zeisman said he briefly ran to work and when he returned she
was sweating and vomiting. Missy told him she had an aneurism and to
call 911. “I didn’t want to believe it,” he said. “Missy worked out
hard. She would sometimes get dehydrated and I wanted her to just be
dehydrated.”
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2017 - From left to right, Hudson (14), Hunter (21), Missy and Col.
Lou Zeisman, U.S. Army Pacific executive officer, share a family
photo. After suffering from two arterial breaks in the cerebral
portion of her brain in August 2015, Missy has been through eight
surgeries, including three lumbar drains. Zeisman said he owes so
much to the dedication of Army members – from his command to the
doctors at Tripler Army Medical Center, people who helped in any
way, and the doctors at Walter Reed National Military Medical
Center. (Courtesy photo by the Zeisman family)
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Zeisman said sometimes bad things happen. There’s no
warning given or reason evident. A seemingly normal day
changes in a split second and what is believed to be true is
no longer the case. “I always thought cancer, aneurisms, car
crashes, those happen to other families, not ours,” said
Zeisman, echoing the thoughts of so many, that is, until
something does happen. But that fateful August day, Zeisman
said, taught him so much about positivity, resiliency,
family and the power of love.
Lou and Missy Zeisman were college sweethearts. Both
from Fayetteville, North Carolina, he came from a military
family and her family of educators. The two met in North
Carolina’s Pembroke State University gym. Missy, who was
cheerleader, said Lou, a wrestler, chased her and fell hard,
both literally and figuratively as he “showed off,” trying
to impress her.
After graduation, Zeisman had to make
a decision on his next step. He chose to follow his father
into the Army. Zeisman said watching his dad, who served for
34 years, while growing up inspired him. Still dating Missy,
Zeisman knew she was the one for him, his forever girl and
he wanted to spend his life with her and make a home
wherever the Army sent them.
But before the college
athlete, turned Army officer, could make that happen, he had
one more obstacle. He needed her family’s blessing. Zeisman
said he holds close memories of the events leading up to
their marriage. “I showed up to her house in my mess
uniform, with one little ribbon and asked her dad permission
to marry his daughter,” he said. “I was afraid he might say
no because Army life meant she might have to leave
Fayetteville.”
To his joy, Zeisman was given the
blessing and Feb. 1, 1992, he and Missy began their married
journey. For the next 23 years, they built a life together.
They celebrated the birth of two boys, Hunter, 21, and
Hudson, 16.
Then in a flash, on that August day,
everything changed. That summer day nearly two years ago,
Zeisman, heeding his wife’s words, called an ambulance.
Missy was rushed to Tripler Army Medical Center. And despite
all the pain, as emergency responders were carrying her out,
she leaned over to her son Hudson who was dressed in
football attire for a school game later that day and said,
“Don’t worry about your momma. Go play your game.”
Upon arrival at the hospital, it was discovered that Missy
had two arterial breaks in the cerebral portion of her
brain. “How did Missy know she had an aneurism?” said
Zeisman. “Did someone tell her to tell me that? A lot of
people believe it was her faith in God.”
Missy’s
condition was deteriorating rapidly. At one point she was
given potentially an hour left to live. Zeisman was
presented with two options – say goodbye to your wife or
attempt a risky surgery. “Missy was always so full of
energy. She’s funny and fun and nonstop. “I don’t know how
she gets her energy,” he said.
Calling his wife the
fittest woman he knew, Zeisman refused to give up and do
nothing. Missy underwent a seven and a half hour surgery
where surgeons clipped the arteries. It was during this time
Zeisman said the strength of the Army family was
demonstrated time and again.
With their older son at
college in Alabama and much of their family in North
Carolina, the Army community surrounded Zeisman. “Family and
friends are so important,” he said. “You can’t do this by
yourself.” Never alone for a second with “the entire
community there,” Zeisman is grateful for the support of his
boss, Gen. Vincent Brooks, who was the USARPAC commander
then, for providing a positive outlook. “General Brooks
never thought once she wouldn’t make it.”
Missy made
it through the surgery. Zeisman credits her love for her
children and her fitness. Working out two hours every day,
“she was that mom pushing the boys in a double jogger
running 5ks. That gym time saved her life,” he said. “During
surgery they weren’t concerned about her blood pressure or
heart because she was so healthy, they could just focus on
the surgery.” But it was her children he said that made her
fight. “A mother’s love for her children is amazing.” Even
to this day Zeisman said he’s amazed every time he stops to
remember how her concern wasn’t for herself, but for Hudson
and that he not worry about her.
With the surgery
complete, Missy entered the next phase. Zeisman said they
weren’t out of the water just because she survived surgery.
For the next three days doctors worried about swelling and
the arteries damaging the brain stem. They said, “Call your
family.” Hunter, Zeisman’s father, Paul Zeisman, and Liz
Edwards, Missy’s mom, all dropped everything and flew to
Missy’s bedside.
Two days later, the Zeisman’s house
was available and neighborhood wives supervised the delivery
of their household goods. Meanwhile, “I was in ICU and
Missy’s alarm monitors kept going off,” he said. “We sat
there as a family not knowing what would happen.” Missy was
not coherent. The family still questioned, would she
survive?
As this period passed, Missy began having
cerebral vasospasms, and was moved to Queens Medical Center
for a specialist, Dr. Sung Lee. “Her arteries wanted to
collapse causing additional strokes,” Zeisman said. Within
30 minutes of Dr. Lee opening up her artery, she never had
another stroke.”
As the family rotated back and forth
from their home to Tripler, Zeisman said he is so grateful
for the continued community support. “People brought food
every night for weeks. People we knew and people we didn’t
know. Sometimes food was just there and we don’t even know
who provided it because people are that good.”
After
a month in neuro ICU, Sept. 22, Missy, to the delight of her
family, regained consciousness. “They sat her up and she
opened her eyes,” Zeisman said. “She was still on the
ventilator. She could see and squeeze our hands, but then
she’d fall right back asleep.”
Sept. 26 was to
provide the moment of truth. Missy underwent testing to
determine if there was any damage to her brainstem. “I was
really scared, thinking, ‘Did I make the right decision?’”
Zeisman said. “I went to get coffee, praying out loud at the
coffee shop, I said, ‘Lord, I need help. They say you don’t
give more than people can handle. I’m at the top. I need
help right now. Can I get a little help? Amen.’ Then my
phone rang at that exact second. The doctor said to come get
the results. I felt good. I went up there and knew it was
going to be good. I knew he was going to tell me there was
no damage and he did.
“I believe God was showing me
something. Negativity will kill you. You’ve got to be
positive. From that day on, we had to be positive because
Missy is positive and bubbly and happy,” he said.
Missy went through eight surgeries, including three lumbar
drains. Zeisman said doctors hoped they wouldn’t need a
shunt. Showing progression, she soon started physical
therapy. Three days into it, her mother noticed fluid
draining and she was rushed back to Tripler. She underwent
surgery in October 2015 receiving a ventriculoperitoneal
shunt to relieve her brain of cerebrospinal fluid.
In
January, Missy went to San Francisco to a rehabilitative
center, again with family by her side. “Missy’s not one day
been left alone,” said Zeisman. “I’m very fortunate my chain
of command allowed me to be with my wife during critical
periods. In my 28 years in the Army and five year-long
combat deployments, Missy’s always taken care of me. It was
my duty and choice to take care of my wife.”
In times
he couldn’t be present, Zeisman credits his mother-in-law,
Edwards. From the moment she flew to Hawaii with that
initial call, “she hasn’t left Missy’s side for a second and
Missy doesn’t take any of that for granted.” Zeisman said he
still remembers having to make that first call to her. It
was her birthday and she thought he was calling to wish her
well, never expecting the news she received. Just as Zeisman
credits a mother’s love for Missy’s determination, he also
credits her own mother’s love for her as a testament to the
dedication she’s shown her own child and family.
Despite Missy’s improvements, after a few months Zeisman
said she started losing traction. “It’s hard to tell why
with head injuries. Every day it was something. You don’t
get a lot of good news with head injuries but we had to stay
the course.”
Missy was then moved to Walter Reed
National Military Medical Center. “It was in her best
interest. Due to war and lots of head traumas, we knew that
would be the best place for my Army wife,” he said.
Zeisman said he owes so much to the dedication of Army
members – from his command to the doctors at Tripler, people
who helped in any way, and the doctors at Walter Reed. One
especially touching moment for him was when three
neurosurgeons at Walter Reed, who had studied her records,
were waiting for Missy as she arrived. “They just wanted to
give her a hug. It was unbelievable.”
Zeisman is also
very grateful for the Fisher House. “As an outpatient, Missy
and her mother stayed there for 11 months,” he said adding
that in addition to providing a home, it also allowed “Missy
to show others there how to be positive no matter what
you’re going through.”
Her positivity comes through
in her physical therapy as well. While some people have to
be coaxed, Missy is ready to go when she arrives. “She tries
to get the most out of every minute. She is there for a
purpose,” he said.
Zeisman said he’s always amazed by
his wife’s resiliency and tenacity. “She doesn’t complain,”
he said. “A lot of people are sad, depressed, but in almost
two years she’s never asked ‘Why me?’ She just wants to try
and get better. It would be easy to be lazy, to feel sorry
for yourself, to be mean. But that’s not my Missy. We can
show people that we can go through this and still be ok and
know that anything bad that happens is an opportunity to say
it’s going to be alright.
“I’ve been told that Missy
is one of eight women in the world to survive this very
serious arterial break and how we were very fortunate,” he
said. “People want to know where you get the strength from.
You just do. She’s taken care of me my entire career. You
just try to live as normal as possible in an abnormal
situation.”
In order to do that, Zeisman said he’s
had to learn things outside his comfort zone. “I’m a gym guy
and everyone knows I’m pretty much the last guy that knows
anything about hair and make-up and outfits.” But, showing
his dedication to his wife who he’s now been married to for
25 years, Zeisman went to a department store make-up counter
and learned how to apply eyeliner and eye shadow and nail
polish and even learned to blow dry Missy’s hair. He studied
family photos and matched up clothing items in her closet
down to the earrings because it’s what he said Missy would
want and he needed that sense of normalcy for her.
Missy is home in North Carolina now. Her husband and sons
will soon join her as they prepare for their next Army move
to Fort Bragg. “Our future is together and to continue to
recover and always move forward,” Zeisman said. “It’s ok to
know where you’ve been, but you have to look forward.”
Missy wrote a song during her physical therapy at Walter
Reed. She sang it for her family and they use it for their
inspiration. In it, she said she’ll snap back, take baby
steps and “every day in every way I’m getting stronger and
better … you’ve got to be positive … progression not
perfection.”
For nearly two years, Zeisman said his
family has shown him what it means to be resilient. “I
thought I knew what resiliency was, but they changed all
that. I also thought I knew my children until this happened
… how resilient they are! Children each react differently,
but their differences balance each other.”
He will be
eternally grateful to Missy’s mother for being there each
step of the way with Missy and to his own parents, who’ve
been married more than 50 years. “My dad stopped everything
and has been here ever since.” With Hudson too young to be
home alone, his father’s presence allowed Zeisman the
ability to fly back and forth to Missy when he could.
Hunter said he admires the strength he sees between his
parents, despite the circumstances. Hudson said they’ve also
shown him how strong they are and that they can get through
anything. They’ve also learned to always try to do something
positive for others and to find joy in simple things like
listening to their mother break out in song. They said it’s
something she never would have done before but now doesn’t
care who can hear her sing.
Zeisman said everyone
goes through a rough something. It’s important to know that
anything bad that happens is an opportunity to say it’s
going to be alright. Realize that priorities change. What
you think is important, big houses, fast cars, boats,
they’re not important. Family is what’s important. And like
Missy, sometimes just break out in song and remember,
progression not perfection.
The Zeismans are still
living out their story. And while it started in a typical
way, with a wrestler chasing after a cheerleader and falling
hard, it’s become so much more. It’s a real story about
love, filled with happiness and sadness and the miracle of
love … and life.
By U.S. Army Amy Parr, Regional Health Command - Pacific
Provided
through DVIDS
Copyright 2017
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