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TOPEKA, Kan. - “Not all wounds are visible," PTSD Journal.
For many service members suffering from post-traumatic stress
disorder, simply admitting the need for help may be the most
difficult thing they ever do.
 Master
Sgt. Lyle Babcock spent nearly 15 months deployed to Afghanistan in
support of Operation Enduring Freedom. In the time since his return,
Babcock has grappled with this personal battle.
An Army
veteran of nearly 31 years, Babcock, a management analyst for the
human resources office at the Kansas National Guard Joint Forces
Headquarters in Topeka, served from 2012-2013 as the noncommissioned
officer in charge of the 102nd Military History Detachment,
documenting the missions of the U.S. military serving in
Afghanistan. His duties included collecting documents, taking photos
and videos, and conducting interviews with Soldiers to gather their
perspective on the war.
Those interviews were often the first time Soldiers had a chance
to talk about their combat experiences out loud.
“I got the
real story,” Babcock said. “It was neat. Through the process, they
started opening up. You could see and feel their emotions and
everything they witnessed and went through.”
Babcock
voluntarily extended his deployment several months, and looks back
fondly on his experience, saying that he “would do it again in a
heartbeat,” and even that it was “fun.”
However, when he
returned home, his wife, Traci, immediately noticed a difference in
him.
“When he came off the plane, he was very stiff, still
very much in that military ‘mode,'” she said. “He was kind of
standoffish. He wasn't sure how to act or feel.”
Babcock
wanted to drive the family's vehicle home from the airport, scaring
everyone in the car.
“He drove like a crazy person,” Traci
said. “He was tailgating people and driving really fast, because
that's how they have to drive over there to stay alive – point A to
B as fast as you can.”
What really alarmed Traci, who's
studying her master's degree in addiction counseling at Washburn
University in Topeka, is that her husband couldn't sleep in bed with
her.
“I preferred sleeping on the couch, it felt more
secure,” Lyle said. “Over there, you go to bed, you know where your
gun's at, and you know where things are at. You don't have to think
about it twice. You get back, all of a sudden things are different
and you don't feel as secure.”
At work, back in the garrison
environment of JFHQ after a month of leave, his newly-developed
hypervigilance and paranoia didn't mesh well with his co-workers. He
cited a time where he “swung on” a co-worker, merely because she
approached him unwittingly and startled him.
“I had a panic
attack. Instant cold sweats and I felt very insecure and unsecure,”
he said. “I ended up leaving without telling anyone. That's when I
knew something was way off. I usually deal with stress well, but I
was stressed. I was emotional. What the hell just happened and why?
What's going on?”
Dr. Chalisa Gadt-Johnson, licensed
psychologist, Colmery-O'Neil VA Medical Center, Topeka, describes
the four primary clusters of PTSD symptoms.
“There are
intrusive symptoms including nightmares, flashbacks or invasive
thoughts,” said Gadt-Johnson. “There's hyper arousal – can't
concentrate, irritability, difficulty sleeping and paranoia.
Negative thinking and emotions, including fear, anxiety, guilt and
shame. And finally, avoidance. They avoid doing everyday things like
going to Walmart to avoid feeling distress.”
Gadt-Johnson
said that people who experience symptoms in all four categories meet
the criteria for a PTSD diagnosis.
“I really didn't want to
admit that I had PTSD,” Babcock said. “That was a hard road for me.
I felt, one, I'm decent size ... I'm a senior NCO. I looked at it as
a failure. It meant you're weak, or at least that what I perceived
it as.”
As a seasoned Army vet, Babcock said he was
well-prepared for his time in theater and that his personal
experiences there were milder in comparison to many of the Soldiers
he talked to.
“I went through some stuff, but not real bad,”
he said. “Not like some of these guys and gals.”
But PTSD
isn't limited to only those who've experienced or seen the worst,
and it's not even limited to service members or people who have
personally experienced traumatic events.
“PTSD is a
non-discriminatory disorder,” Gadt-Johnson said. “It can affect
anyone who experienced, witnessed or knows someone they care about
who experienced some sort of trauma event.”
Babcock's biggest
roadblock in admitting that he was experiencing PTSD symptoms and
seeking support was his concern of how others, particularly those in
leadership may view him.
“How would other people perceive
it?” he said. “How would my leadership perceive it? I was worried
about the stigma of ‘somebody dealing with PTSD is like a powder keg
ready to explode at any time.' I think that stigma existed (in the
Kansas Guard) because the leadership hadn't made a point of
addressing it. Once they started to acknowledge it, the stigma began
to erode.”
According to Maj. Gen. Lee Tafanelli, the adjutant
general of Kansas, it's up to every member of the organization to
crush that stigma.
“Many people think that they can deal with
(PTSD) themselves, so that stigma may even be on them,” said
Tafanelli. “They think there's something wrong with them and they
really don't want to let leaders know. In some cases, there might be
leaders who tend to view individuals that are experiencing some of
these difficulties as some kind of a weakness and it's really not.”
Tafanelli urged those in the Kansas National Guard who may be
dealing with any of the symptoms of PTSD in silence to “give your
chain of command a chance to help you. There's no sense in suffering
or dealing with this on your own.”
Gadt-Johnson, who is also
the chief of the stress disorder treatment program at the Topeka VA
center agreed.
“As human beings, we aren't designed to suffer
in isolation,” said Gadt-Johnson. “From the time we're born, we
thrive on the dependency of others. This idea of ‘I've got to deal
with it on my own' is counterintuitive to the human species. We want
people to know our stories and we want to feel understood.”
Untreated, someone who has PTSD can eventually collapse and become
dangerous to themselves, their family and co-workers, but
Gadt-Johnson said that a person who is living with PTSD doesn't have
to be a prisoner to their symptoms.
“If you manage your
symptoms, you can go out and live a full, quality life,” she said.
“PTSD is a part of you, but it doesn't have to be a factor for you.”
Babcock embodies that notion.
“PTSD has been around a
long time, and it's real,” he said. “There are men and women dealing
with it in our organization right now and they are not getting the
help they need. They're dealing with it with drugs and alcohol, by
being in a cocoon all the time and by taking it out on their family.
Or by burying it, but those holes can't get deep enough at times and
sometimes stuff starts to come out.”
But Babcock offered
hope.
“There is help,” he said.
Article by U.S. Army Sgt. Zach Sheely, Kansas Adjutant General's Department
Photo by U.S. Army Sgt. 1st Class Mark Hanson, Kansas National Guard
Visual Information
Provided
through DVIDS
Copyright 2015
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Master Sgt. Lyle Babcock's story |
