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Cherish Your Spouse
(November 12, 2009) |
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| RANDOLPH AIR FORCE BASE, Texas (11/3/2009 - AFNS) -- While
walking past the base chapel the other day, I witnessed a
scene that caused me to pause and reflect. I turned and
watched as people, dressed in their Sunday best, flowed from
the chapel doors, smiling and casually chatting. They slowly
split into two lines, creating a path that led to a waiting
limousine. The crowd stood and waited, fueling my
anticipation. Suddenly, a photographer burst from the doors,
turned and captured a bride and groom as they ran outside.
The crowd erupted with cheers. The bride, white gown flowing
as she ran, paused to hug a friend. The groom immediately
tugged at her hand, pulling her toward the waiting
limousine. Without pause, they hopped in the limousine and
the crowd again cheered as they sped away.
I couldn't help but smile as I watched the newly married
military couple start their new life together. It made me
think about our spouses and our military families. The
secretary of the Air Force and our chief of staff named this
the "Year of the Air Force Family." In doing so, they hoped
to bring more attention to the sacrifices our families
endure and the service they provide our nation. I couldn't
agree with them more. Our families, especially our spouses,
are the foundation that enable each of us to serve in the
world's greatest Air Force.
I don't think anyone would argue the importance of having
such a foundation. Our lives need balance and our spouses
help provide that stability. I like to use the analogy that
such balance is similar to the spokes of a bicycle wheel.
You see, a bicycle needs balanced spokes in order to provide
a smooth ride. Our lives are no different. I think of the
spokes as the different priorities in our lives. If one of
the spokes, like the relationship with your spouse, the
needs of your children or the responsibilities at work, get
slighted, the wheel no longer rolls the way it should. It
might even get to the point where it stops rolling
altogether.
We must balance each of our life's spokes very deliberately
and carefully. When we are balancing shortfalls and managing
a limited amount of time, money and manpower, our spouses
often are the ones who get short-changed. We can't afford to
let that happen and must always make time to tell our
spouses how much we appreciate them. When you're tired from
the challenges at work, take a deep breath, walk in the door
with a smile, and tap your energy reserve to make a
difference with the time that you have. It only takes a
minute to let them know how much you care; a simple squeeze
of the hand, rub on the shoulder or a phone call during the
day. Think about the things that make you feel appreciated
and loved. Do those things for them in return. Always strive
to give more than you receive.
This isn't an easy thing to do. Maintaining the friendship,
trust and energy in a relationship is a full-time job. It's
up to you to make it a fun job; for both you and your
spouse. I have warned Airmen about the danger of complacency
in our professional lives. The same goes for our personal
lives too. Many people confuse complacency with comfort.
Although comfort can help build stability in a relationship,
complacency can cause a relationship to drift apart. Never,
ever take your spouse for granted.
Our spouses make significant sacrifices each and every day.
There are countless stories of spouses who go above and
beyond; stories of men and women who volunteer in the local
community and pursue their own successful careers despite
long days and deployments by their military spouses. There
are even more untold stories about spouses who quietly make
a difference every day. The story of the wife who, after a
long swing shift, returned home to wake her family, cook
everyone breakfast and send them all out the door before
collapsing herself; the story of the husband who stayed up
all night taking care of sick children so that his wife
could go to work rested and ready. Resist the temptation to
become accustomed to such acts of sacrifice and kindness.
These tremendous examples are often interrupted by the
"other" stories. We've all done "boneheaded" things like
forgotten important occasions, not paid enough attention to
our spouse's concerns, and tried to solve their challenges
for them (instead of just listening sympathetically). Work
hard to avoid these thoughtless acts in the first place. Be
critical of yourself and the things you do. Your standard of
excellence at work should be no different when at home.
Lastly, when you feel your spouse has neglected you in some
manner, it is best to forgive without pretense. Put past
grudges aside so you can move forward together. After all,
forgiveness is what you hope for after apologizing for those
"boneheaded" things I just discussed.
As I turned to leave, the crowd had already forgiven the
bride and grooms' hasty departure, and started to dissipate
from the front steps of the chapel.
The couple was starting their life together, as a military
team. I thought of my spouse, Leslie. We made a commitment
to each other more than 34 years ago. We knew that our lives
would be better if spent together and have learned through
the years to depend on each other in order to accomplish our
goals.
For me, Leslie has been the key to keeping my wheel
balanced. I've worked hard through the years to make each
day with her better than the one before; to keep my wheel
rolling smoothly. Our individual strength comes from the
foundation that our spouses provide at home. By cherishing
your spouse and making sure they know how much you
appreciate them, your wheel can continue to cruise happily
through life as well. | |
By USAF Gen. Stephen R. Lorenz
Commander of Air Education and Training Command
Copyright 2009
Reprinted from
Air Force News Service
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