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FORT SHAFTER, Hawaii – When she woke, fragments of broken
memories flashed through her head as she tried to piece together the
night before.
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Staff Sgt. Mary Valdez, her unit's victim
advocate and a Sexual Harassment/Assault Response and Prevention
program representative, shows her strength after being a panel
member at the Army's 6th Annual I A.M. Strong SHARP Summit at Joint
Base Andrews, Md., June 10-11, 2013. (U.S. Army photo by Sgt.
Tiffany Fudge)
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“I felt intense pain ... that's when I knew I had been raped.”
Staff Sgt. Mary Valdez describes her life since that realization
as a journey from being a victim, to a survivor, to a warrior
dedicated to doing whatever she can to make sure what happened to
her doesn't happen to others.
She demonstrates that
dedication by telling her story, most recently as an invited panel
member at the Department of the Army's 6th Annual I A.M. Strong
Sexual Harassment/Assault Prevention Summit at Joint Base Andrews,
Md., June 10-11, 2013.
During the summit, she interacted with
more than 250 general officers, senior noncommissioned officers, and
members of Congress, sharing her experience to raise awareness,
promote prevention, and ultimately achieve a cultural change in the
Army.
Valdez now serves as the 8th Theater Sustainment
Command's protocol noncommissioned in charge, but she credits her
humble beginnings in San Antonio, Texas, with shaping who she is
today. The middle child of six to a single mother, she said all of
her siblings managed to avoid the typical traps in her neighborhood;
in fact, three of them also joined the Army and are combat veterans.
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“It's pretty amazing to grow up in that level of poverty
and not get involved in the negative stuff,” she said. “My
mom was really proud of us.”
Mary always knew the
Army would be her life. She said by the time she was 12
years old, she felt the calling to serve.
“My brother
was deployed to desert storm. He would send me small
trinkets from over there. Things like leaflets and wrappers
with the native language on them. All I could do at 12 was
tie yellow ribbon around trees and things around the
neighborhood, and showing off all the things he sent to me
for show and tell at school.”
Three days after her
19th birthday, she enlisted. After eight years in the
Reserves, another calling struck her, to go active duty and
deploy.
“I was working as a police officer at the
time, and I heard all my brothers and sisters talking about
their war experience. Being a police officer, I had similar
experiences, but there was that connection that I was
missing to share my stories. So I went to the recruiter and
told him that I wanted to go active duty and to send me to
the unit that was about to deploy. Sure enough, within six
months, I was heading to Iraq.”
The first night
there, as she lay down to sleep, she experienced her first
mortar attack.
“As soon as I laid my head down, I
heard a loud boom. I woke and sat straight up in bed. That
was my, ‘Welcome to Iraq.'
Before you deploy, you
have that feeling that you are going to get over there and
do what needs to be done and serve your country, but when
you're finally there and bombs are dropping around you,
you're like, ‘Whoa, this is reality.'”
Following a
15-month deployment, she served three years as an Army
recruiter.
If you know anything about recruiting,
you really have no social life. You're always trying to get
someone in the Army. So when I finally got to my new unit,
the pressure of trying to put someone in the Army was gone.
I was so happy to be a soldier again, to get up and go to
formations and actually do PT with a unit.”
As a
single soldier new to Hawaii, her NCO suggested she attend a
unit sponsored retreat.
“It's like a free,
mini-vacation,” she said. “There were three females in my
unit that were part of my group, none of who I had ever met
before. But this was my opportunity to meet new people and I
did! I made friends with them quickly. There was also
another Soldier who didn't have a group so we invited him to
our table.”
When the girls invited her to a luau, she
didn't want to exclude him, so she texted him an invite.
Afterward, they headed to downtown Honolulu. He was only 19
years old so he didn't drink, but the rest did. Mary was
ready to leave early, so he offered to see her back to the
hotel.
“I remember going into the elevator and
getting out on the floor. He kept trying to help me but I
didn't want anyone touching me so I told him that I got it.
I remember opening my door with my key card, seeing my bed
and just flopping down, face forward, lights out. I didn't
know he followed in behind me.”
With tears rolling
down her face, she remembered, “The pain was unreal. I don't
know if it was the alcohol, something was put in my drink or
something given to me while I was asleep, but I couldn't
move at all. I couldn't even scream. I didn't have the power
to push him off me. All I could do was move my head to try
to avoid his.”
When she regained consciousness she
realized she had been sexually assaulted.
She felt
disgusting. She felt dirty. She felt a thousand showers
wouldn't wash away what she was feeling. After a day of
testing at the hospital, she was given two options: file a
restricted or unrestricted report, a choice that could
potentially make her experience public.
At the time,
she thought, “The guy was only 19, and I didn't want to ruin
his life, but he just ruined mine, with no thought to it.”
Mary chose the unrestricted route.
The next few
months were a rollercoaster of reports, emotions, meetings,
and trials. She felt suicidal and homicidal at the same
time. She would burst into tears randomly, but when Mary
went to the Army Criminal Investigation Command to give her
account, they told her that he'd confessed.
“I felt a
weight lift from my shoulders!” she said feeling she could
finally get on with her life.
The next month she
deployed to Afghanistan. The high tempo helped her forget,
but she was required to report back to Hawaii for the trial.
“I had to go up on the stand, and that was the hardest
day of my life. I don't think I have ever cried so hard
before. Not even at a funeral. I don't know; it's like I
lost a piece of me.”
At the retreat, the Soldiers
were in civilian clothes, but up on the stand, they wore
their duty uniform and ranks were made apparent.
Everything appeared to be on her side; DNA evidence, a
confession. But he was acquitted of all charges.
“They see this,” Mary said pointing to her rank. “They see
[staff sergeant.] They see someone who should've known
better. I may have put myself in a situation, but I wasn't
doing anything. I didn't invite him into my room.
“When they said acquitted, the Soldiers from my rear
detachment started high fiving him. I just had to get out of
there. My forward unit wanted me to fly back the next day,
but there was no way.”
She was done with the Army,
and the flood of mixed emotions hit her again.
“I
went back to when I was 12 years old, and thought so highly
of the Army. I felt betrayed, slapped in the face. I
remember thinking to myself; I will never be able to put on
that uniform again. But the passion and the love I have for
the Army was much greater. It hurt really bad to think
that.”
A senior NCO told Mary she could hate the
Army, get out and never look back, but to first think about
all the years she'd dedicated to it and to ask herself if
she wanted to throw it all away.
But she also gave
Mary an alternative: new unit, new base ... a new start.
“I think that is what I was waiting for, what I was
waiting to hear. I saw hope. I thought, ‘When can I put my
uniform back on?'”
She said the support she felt from
her new unit helped her move forward.
“My new command
sergeant major asked me, “What can I do for you?” and I told
him that I wanted to help other people who have been through
what I've been through. Six months later I was training to
become a SHARP Victim Advocate.”
It was that new
beginning she'd longed for, the chance to be a living
example of personal courage each and every time she shares
both her pain and hope for change.
“Once I started
talking and helping others, I felt that switch in me almost
immediately. I needed to get my story out there, and I
needed to tell it at the highest levels.”
In February
she was also selected to represent the Army during the
Department of Defense Survivor's Summit, where she met
one-on-one with the director of the DoD Sexual Assault and
Response Office.
“I can't believe I'm actually
getting the opportunity,” she said, through more tears.
“It's very bitter sweet to me. This is like my justice.”
By U.S. Army Staff Sgt. Gaelen Lowers
Provided
through DVIDS
Copyright 2013
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